(Well whad’ya know? A sequel to Lost Tracks happened. Bam.)
The decision to take a drive
made me leave my pride,
let the vulnerability seep through,
as I was led down the road
that my heart used to call home.
– 27/6/2015, “All it took was abandoned thoughts and pent-up suffocation.”
Work in progress, Week 11.
I like how running and Tae Bo workouts are my coping mechanisms and escapades.
Plus point? They help keep my sanity intact too.
[Mental note to self: Remember that you’re doing this for yourself. You want to be physically fitter, to push your limits, to be more determined, to be more disciplined, to be a better you in every aspect possible. It’s not about chasing after societal standards and peer pressure; it’s about impressing yourself with what you never knew that you could achieve. ❤ ]
I have been thinking about you lately. Coming across a photo of you and your friends while aimlessly scrolling through my Facebook timeline certainly has quite an effect in striking the nostalgic chord. It hit me hard, to realise that it has been far too long since I’ve last spoken to you. I know that we are both busy with our lives, but hey, that is just an excuse. What I realised next was worse: we drifted apart.
I remember trying a little too hard to keep up with you, because I didn’t want to lose a friend like you. I seize every opportunity to slip in a ‘hey, how’s it going?’ whenever I reply to your text messages. But I remember that it did not went as I expected: gradually, it became generic answers which inevitably turned out to what seems to be disinterest. I stopped trying, even though our friendship is one that I fully invested in keeping. Over the years, I kept myself preoccupied and focused on my studies. There were occasions that warrant conversations with you. You were welcoming and chatty as I remember, something that I like about you that puts me at ease. Despite that, I saw the subtle changes in you. You were… different. I didn’t know how to keep up with you anymore; we are both running through different race tracks now, both only comfortable in the tracks of our choice. I recall how much it hurt to see you different from the version and idea of you that I remembered. Nevertheless, my memory of you is hazy, covered in layers of dust, stowed away at the far corner of my mind.
I am glad that we spoke last year, albeit rather briefly. I hear stories about you from a mutual friend every now and then, and boy, I am so relieved to hear that you are still the same person who made that awkward conversation ending up with us bursting into fits of laughter which led us to being close friends. I wished that I had more perseverance to tip the scale, to make things work.
About time that I send the long-awaited catch up text message, eh? (I’ll get around to it, I promise.)
P.S. That laugh of yours? Hands down the funniest, and I bet that I’d still crack up when I hear it!
(just like old times 🙂 )
Late night / early morning musing at its best.
(Okay more studying less excuses ugh)
This is what procrastination and sleep deprivation does to me, and this is what they
feel taste like.
…Back to the books!
UPDATE: Okay I am regretting my unwise decision of posting an entire blogpost filled with photos of food. I might have to make a run to the kitchen to fix myself a piping hot bowl of instant noodles… *bangs head on the table*
Remember when “I like you” was enough? “I like you” was the end all goal. “I like you” was the prize. Remember when “I like you” was enough?
I can pull out the journal and go to the specific page and entry when I first heard those words from the girl that I also liked. For the first time, it was mutual. For the first time, of all the people that I could “like”, she “liked” me back. At the time, I innocently called it a “phenomenon” of some sort, that two people could match this way in this world. “I like you” was enough. She became my first girlfriend. She became my first love.
Remember when “I love you” was enough? “I love you” was the epitome, all you needed. “I love you” was when you found the one. Remember when “I love you” was enough?
But that was…
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Timing will never be right
and the stars will never align.
Take this chance with me,
for I’d break every clock tonight
and shut every star from its sublime beauty.
– 9/6/2015, “Would you run the risk with me?”.
The post-graduate life, the space in between an undergraduate student and a working adult, is a mere grandiose facade.
Wake up-eat-study-cook meals-eat-study-work out-eat-study-sleep.
It is a simple repetition of this routine on a weekday basis, followed by long hours of revision classes on the weekends to wrap up the week.
It has been 8 weeks, so what is another 6 weeks of the cycle?
… Except that I am starting to feel the burnout and the underlying exhaustion alongside the escalating stress and fear of screwing up in the examination.
“You hang in there, do whatever you’re supposed to be doing and block away the bullshit that does you no good. You already got your shit together so you’re not going to screw this up. You got this.”
Oh God, grant me the strength to pull through another seven weeks until the exams.
“I don’t usually do this for students, but I think you guys have to hear it from me.
Now, I know that a lot of people don’t take me seriously when I say certain things. But what I want you to know, something that I have told you guys before, is that you are all here because of a divine calling. Not many people are as fortunate to be given the opportunity to graduate with a Law degree and to be here to take the CLP exam. So now that you are all here, it is something – it is a divine calling.
‘Forget Everything And Run’
‘Face Everything And Rise’
If I were you, I’d choose the latter and overcome the fear.
The next seven weeks is crucial, and you have seven weeks to change your future. All you need to do is to pass the exam to cross over to the other side. Remember: you are given this opportunity, so do not screw this up, not when this is in your hands.
I hope to see you on the other side.”