White flag


Two weeks ago I was very heartbroken, unmotivated.
I’d say that I’ve hit the lowest of lows.


It was the one thing that I work really hard for,
the one thing that I strive for.
But here I am feeling disappointed in myself.


It’s not a pity party that I am asking for, neither I’d say that it is a cry for losing the battle. It’s just how I deal with the worst defeat by far in my lifetime, and there isn’t quite someone who completely understand the situation.


Mum’s mere company with me for that entire day helped.
Everyone’s kind words and encouragement helped.
A phone call from my aunt helped.
Driving all the way to one of my best friend’s house for a hug helped.
Sitting in the car and having a good cry to someone close to my heart helped.
Letting people in to help me shed some new light on all that has happened helped.
Agreeing to allow people close to me offer their word of advice helped.
Little distractions helped.
Crying helped.


I accept defeat and I will wallow in my sorrows.
For now, I will focus on personal projects that I want to work on while I get myself back on track.
But that will end, and like what I’ve been told:
“You’ll come out stronger than before”.


I am coming back for you next year, CLP.


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